When we talk about safety, we are not talking about feeling calm, relaxed, and comfortable. As humans, we are looking for safety and will make choices that get us closer to that and further away from threat or danger. Safety does not always translate to “feeling good” and does not always guarantee that someone is calm or relaxed when experiencing a sense of safety.  

We want to be there for our children and help them as they grow so that they can become healthy adults. Teaching how to look after mental health is an important skill for children to learn and encompasses a lot of other life skills as well. Children who have high emotional intelligence will be better equipped to work through life’s challenges and can recognize when they are struggling before they reach a crisis. Here are 9 ways you can help your child learn how to look after their mental health.

Do you find yourself in situations where despite recognizing that you need to take time for yourself you end up agreeing to supporting or doing something for someone? Maybe people refer to you as being “too nice” and it may feel difficult to assert your needs. It can be hard for someone with people pleasing habits to recognize what they are doing because they have been this way from a young age. The patter can be difficult to identify because it shapes how we relate to the world.

Living through a pandemic is going to have lasting effects on the collective mental health of the world’s population. It was a heavy year last year, and we still have a long way to go before getting to the other side of this. Sometimes it can be hard to remember times when we were not steeped in uncertainty. It can be hard to let go of our stress and we can often find ourselves drifting in our thoughts even when you are trying to relax. It can help to try and make space for both emotions.

Forgiveness is a complicated subject and it is something many people struggle with. It can be hard to let go of a past hurt and to start working towards building trust with the other person who caused the hurt. What’s interesting is that we are often quicker to forgive others then ourselves. We can hold on to anger, frustration, and resentment towards ourselves much longer then we do when it comes to others who have caused us pain. Why is it so hard to give ourselves kindness and compassion? I know that for myself that it can be hard to allow my heart to open up and give compassion and kindness to myself, so self-forgiveness can sometimes feel impossible.

Hakuna Matata

What a wonderful phrase

Hakuna Matata

Ain’t no passing craze

It means no worries

For the rest of your days

It’s our problem-free philosophy

Hakuna Matata

January 18th was Martin Luther King Day in the United States. Even as a Canadian, I think it is incredibly important to observe this day and reflect on how much we still have to work on when it comes to systemic racism and racial inequality. The last year shone a bright light on the glaring injustices that continue to take place in our society towards black individuals and the black community. Then on January 06, 2021 when domestic terrorist stormed the Capitol buildings in Washington, we very clearly saw how white supremacy is not a thing of the past but a very real ideology held by many people today.   These racial injustices have a very clear impact on mental health and mental wellbeing. In 1967 Dr. King made a speech to psychologists with the American Psychological Association in Washington and when I read his speech, it was striking to realize how much it resonates with the current state of the world in 2021.

On January 28th, it was “Bell Let’s Talk” Day, and in the past we have posted about how Bell was a trailblazer in bringing attention to the reality of mental health and destigmatizing mental illness. Well this year, Bell, we are going to have a different conversation. We are going to talk about YOU and some glaring issues that need to be addressed. I have talked a bit about systemic oppression, discrimination, and racism, and Bell, seriously, we need to talk.

We all have that cruel voice in our head whose sole purpose seems to be telling us how stupid we are. “No one likes me” “I am such a loser” “I never do anything right” “Of course I would screw up, it’s the only thing I am good at”. We are so harsh to ourselves, the things we say to our inner self we wouldn’t dare say to anyone else.

From the time we are young and into adulthood, we learn about the importance of routine, structure, and organization. We divide up our days to make sure that we are able to accomplish the necessary tasks of the day and keep on top of projects that we need to complete. Always striving to be on top of our responsibilities so we don’t fall behind because we know that could have negative consequences, and yet there are days where we are sitting on the couch and think to ourselves, “I can do that later”. This is a moment that every human has had at least once in their life (or in my case several times a week). Heck, I even thought that before writing this post. We justify this delay in many ways, either by doing another task (e.g. cleaning your pantry, organizing your closet, or cooking an elaborate and heathy dinner), this way we feel justified in our choice. We may say to ourselves “I have enough time tomorrow” or “I’ll work better under pressure anyways” (I tell myself the second one all the time).

Our parents play a huge role in our development and our relationship with them will inform how we develop relationships outside of our family. Even in a “perfect” childhood (which doesn’t exist by the way), our parents will disappoint us and we form beliefs about them as a result.

There are times where I know that I have given something my all. I’ve done everything I can to try to make it work, to get better, and to succeed and yet I am still met with failure at the end of it all. I want to quit with every fiber of my being, but I don’t, because we have been taught that quitting is akin to losing. That it is a sign of weakness to quit and if we just keep trying then we will eventually reach our goal. At least that is what every self-help book I read seems to be preaching to me. I’m not a huge fan of self-help books and one of the reasons is this “NO QUITTING” attitude. Sometimes it is okay to give yourself to permission to quit. It is healthy even.

CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) is the most commonly known therapy, and for good reason, it has been backed by years of research and has shown to be effective for a variety of mental health concerns. That being said there are many other forms of therapy that are just as, if not more, effective. Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT) was developed by Gerald Klerman and Myrna Weissman in the 1970’s along the same time as CBT. Both treatments were shown to be effective in the treatment of depression and have also shown efficacy in other treatment areas.

Therapy is a broad term that encompasses many different type of approaches and it can be hard to keep up with all the different models. We though it would be helpful to provide a brief breakdown of the different therapies we work from so that you are better informed when making the decisions to start therapy.  We have previously talk about CBT, DBT, ACT, and today we will be going in to Solution Focused Therapy (SFT).

There are so many different models of therapy and sometimes it can be overwhelming to try and figure out which would be the best fit for you. This is something that you will explore with your therapist in the early stages of your therapy sessions. It can be helpful to familiarize yourself with the different therapy approaches that your therapist is trained to help you determine what would work best for you. We have had done blog posts on DBT and CBT, which are more commonly known therapy approaches. Today we will focus on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT.

June marks the celebration of Pride in Canada, a time of the month to honor the history and adversities that LGBTQ individuals have faced, as well as to celebrate the courage and diversity of the LGBTQ community. This year many in the LGBTQ community have choosen to show solidarity by forgoing Pride celebrations to instead protest the injustices faced by the Black people in our community. Many people may not be aware but Pride was started by Marsha P. Johnson, a Black trans woman who of was one of the activists who lead the 1969 Stonewall riots.  The protests began in 1969 when the police raided the New York City Stonewall Inn in 1969. Homosexuality was illegal in most states and business could be shut down if employees or patrons were gay. Stonewall Inn was a known refuge for the LGBTQ community back then. After the raid the community decided to push back and protested, with Johnson playing a key role.

On June 21st is an incredibly important day to celebrate Indigenous culture, language and history. It is also a day to acknowledged the injustice the Indigenous people have faced and continue to face in Canada. This past month we have seen people come together to speak out against the systemic oppression and injustice’s that Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour, face in our communities, both locally and nationally.

This needs to be repeated. Over and over again. For as long as racism continues to oppress and dehumanize the lives of black people, we will keep saying “Black Lives Matter”, because we clearly need this reminder. The murder of George Floyd sparked a movement that shouldn’t be needed. He did not need to die, but he did because we have kept our heads in the sand for far too long. As a brown woman of colour, I know what it is like to be judged by my appearance but I will never know what it is like to be a black person in North America. Some people may feel that because we live in Canada we are immune from racism. We are all equal here, right? Unfortunately, that is far from the reality, and the sooner we come to terms with that, the sooner we can make real change. Black people in Toronto are 20 times more likely to be shot DEAD by the police. The Black community makes up 3.4% of Canada’s population and 9% of police fatalities. And we don’t just oppress Black people Canada, we also bring down the Indigenous community. Indigenous people make up 4.8% of Canada’s population and 15% of police fatalities. The protests this weekend are cry of anger from a community that is tired. Tired of being pushed down and ignored. We can and must do better.

We are all familiar with feeling dissatisfied with our lives, feeling like we are not successful enough, that your relationships are not what you would like them to be, that you aren’t able to afford the things you want. Feeling disappointed with yourself for not living up to the expectations that you (or others) have set for yourself. You look at other people and how they are living their lives and think “How did they get so lucky?”, or “I wish my life was as great as theirs”. You may feel guilty for feeling so envious but it can be hard to stop feeling that way, especially with social media constantly reminding you that aiming for anything less then complete and total happiness means that you are failure or even worse, as loser.

COVID-19 has changed the way we all live our lives and we have to make adjustment to what our daily routine looks like. Many of us are working from home or having social distancing protocols put in place at work, and we are spending more time at home, either on our own or with our families. Activities that used to require very little thought or effort, now require much more planning (e.g. going to the grocery store). Even going for a walk can induce feelings of stress and anxiety. I’m not a huge proponent for finding the “silver lining” and I’ll be honest, overly positive attitudes can feel draining, that being said I think there can be lessons that we are able to take away from this difficult period. I have spoken about mindfulness plenty of times in the past, and during this pandemic using mindfulness can help us get through difficult days and not get caught up in our worried thoughts. The research on mindfulness has shown us time and time again the mindfulness can help to reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.