CHALLENGING YOUR INNER CRITIC

We all have that cruel voice in our head whose sole purpose seems to be telling us how stupid we are. “No one likes me” “I am such a loser” “I never do anything right” “Of course I would screw up, it’s the only thing I am good at”. We are so harsh to ourselves, the things we say to our inner self we wouldn’t dare say to anyone else.

Our internal dialogue can become overly critical and it can impact our relationships, our work/academic performance and our over-all self-esteem. I call this voice my misguided angel, who in an attempt to protect me from the challenges in the world, gives me information and advice that will keep me away from potential harm, but in its misguided nature, doing it in the worst possible way. The inner critic can encourage us to engage in unhealthy and maladaptive coping strategies that may temporarily decrease negative emotions but in the long run it could cause us further distress and problem. Our inner critic is not a reflection of what the reality is, it is rooted in our negative beliefs about ourselves and the world. These critical thoughts can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and overall mental health and may also contribute to the development of mental illness. Does that mean that everyone who gets stuck in negative self-talk is going to develop depression or anxiety? Well, no but it could mean that if left unaddressed the chances of you experiencing mental health difficulties is much higher.

So how do we tackle the inner critic taking up residence in our mind. The first step is to acknowledge and identify the harmful thoughts coming from your inner critic. What is that voice saying exactly and when is that triggered. You can write down the thoughts or or acknowledge them in your mind. Remind yourself that your thoughts and are not fact. You can separate yourself from your thought by saying statements like “I am noticing I am having the thought that I am stupid”. This may sound a little strange but it is a step that creates some distance between you and your thoughts. After creating some space, you can show yourself compassion by building your inner “caretaker”. For every unkind and harsh criticism, your inner critic comes up with, counter it with a loving statement about yourself. You are not challenging the negative thought rather you are turning to yourself with kindness and compassion like you would for a friend. As you work through this remember to be patient with yourself, because this is hard and is not going to change overnight.