THE BEAUTY IN YOUR BREATH
I wake up every morning feeling like I have a 1001 things to strike off my to do list, and no matter what I do by the time I wake up the next morning those 1001 things come right back up. It’s a constant rat race, with myself! Sometimes it feels like I have 10 drill sergeants in my head barking out orders, demands, and reminders. I’m exhausted by the end of the day but this was the only way I knew how to live. Well that was until I was introduced to mindfulness.
I’ll be honest, the first time someone told me about mindfulness, I rolled my eyes and just brushed it off as some new age, hippy dippy, nonsense but as I started to read more and more research praising the effectiveness of mindfulness I had to start paying attention but I was
still skeptical. The concept of “quieting your mind” was foreign, strange, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. How was I supposed to get anything done?! Also have you ever tried to not think of anything, it’s damn near impossible. My brain refused to shut off. The more I tried to “not think”, the more thought came racing forward. I was not good at this.
That was until I attended a workshop on mindfulness meditation for clinicians. The facilitator was a soft spoken, petite looking man, very non-assuming and he had a gentle energy about him. He was a psychologist that had trained extensively in mindfulness and had been
working in the field for over 10 years. He seemed very patient with the audience, and was open to the skepticism that some professionals had about his approach. He listened intently and did not seem to get flustered or upset when people disagreed or challenged his years of
research. I watched him with amazement. How was he so calm, how was he holding himself together so well? If that was me, I’d be sweating profusely, flustered with all the questions being thrown at me, and angry that my years of research and practice were being questioned. I
was intrigued. He knew something I didn’t, and I wanted in on his secret!
He then said something that helped me to make sense of this whole mindfulness things. “You can’t stop the waves of your emotions. You are human, and these experiences will come. You can learn how to surf those waves, that way they can’t knock you down”. Something clicked in
that moment. All this time I was trying to swim against the waves of emotion in my mind. I was fighting them, when what I needed to do was to just go with it. It wasn’t about quieting my mind, but accepting the thoughts I was having and allowing them to be. For the first time,
it made sense, and I felt a momentary blip of balance. He started to lead a mindful breathing exercise and I could feel my mind fight my intention to focus on my breath but for the first time I didn’t fight back. I recognized my resistance, and I wasn’t angry at myself for it,
and slowly the feeling started to fade. The sensation of my breath overcame me, and I felt connected to myself in way I never did before. When I opened my eyes, a strange feeling of calm took over. So this is what everyone was raving about. I finally understood.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are still days where I struggle to be mindful and these practices are harder to engage in but now I don’t get upset at myself for it. I just check in with my breath and it helps me to remember that my emotions are just like my breath. I take it in and a moment later I can exhale and let it go. Who knew my breath could be so powerful?
