Working Through Shame and Embracing Self-Compassion

There are times where we do not feel like we measure up. It’s a bit deeper than feeling not good enough. It is an entrenched feeling of unworthiness, often stemming from past experiences, societal and family pressures, or unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. Shame is a complex, powerful and often debilitating emotion that can have profound a impact on our mental health and well-being.

Shame and guilt are often used interchangeably but they are very different. Shame is not about feeling remorse for a specific behaviour rather it is a pervasive sense of inadequacy and unworthiness as whole. Shame tells us that we are fundamentally flawed, unworthy of love, and disconnected from others. It can be triggered by various factors such as past trauma, societal standards, or internalized belief. Guilt is “I have done a bad thing” whereas shame is “I am a bad person.”

Shame can have an impact on our mental health, leading to feelings of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and isolation. It can hold us back from pursuing fulfilling relationships, pursuing our passions or embracing our authentic selves because we do not feel worthy. Shame often thrives in secrecy and silence, perpetuating a cycle of self-criticism and self-sabotage.

In order to work through feelings of shame and un-worthiness, we need to meet it with self-compassion. Self-compassion may sound like nonsense, new-age-y concept but it an important and fundamental practice and a much healthier way of connecting with yourself. Self-compassion involves acknowledging our pain, imperfections, and mistakes with self-empathy rather than self-judgement. It is a practice of treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Self-compassion allows us to embrace our humanity, recognizing that everyone experiences struggles and moments of vulnerability.

Shame can be difficult to tackle on your own and can be deeply ingrained in how you see your-self. Engaging in therapy or counselling can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore shame, heal past wounds, and develop strategies for self-compassion and self-acceptance. Therapeutic intervention such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can be particularly helpful in addressing shame related issues.