KEEPING AN INNER SCORE CARD
A common theme that comes up in sessions with many of my clients is comparisons. So many people are quick to measure themselves against the successes and failures of others, usually to the detriment of
their own mental well-being. There is a fear that people have about falling behind, or not being good enough and being viewed a weak or pathetic.
I came across an interesting quote by Warren Buffet around this idea of comparisons and it has really stuck with me:
“The big questions about how people behave is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an inner scorecard.”
What I took away from this quote is that if we are satisfied with ourselves internally, we are not too bothered by what others are doing or what they may think/say about us. When we live life with an “outer scorecard” our behavior is largely driven by our environment and we may steer away from the things that are important to us.
We only notice the best features in others and are often not aware or do not notice their shortcomings. What ends up happening is we end up comparing our lowest moments to high points in the lives of others, which is a recipe for unhappiness and despair. It could be that person you are comparing yourself to is also unhappy, because they might be comparing themselves to YOU, and feeling like they do not measure up.
This may sound incredibly cliché, but the one thing that you are definitely better at then others is being yourself. Once you start focusing on your own growth and development, rather than how you are not at the same level as others, only then do you really stand to “win”. You will no longer be preoccupied with how you compare to others, and Instead your energy and focus will now be directed at your own
capabilities and how you can grow.
It sounds simple enough but it’s definitely not easy to do, especially if this is how you have gauged success or your self-worth for a huge part of your life. This type of “sticky thinking” can be difficult to challenge and we often default to this type of though process during moments of high stress. Therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) look at how these imbalanced thoughts can negatively impacted your mental health. CBT works on challenging them in order to shift from relying on an “outer scorecard” to an “inner scorecard”. Once you get there, you can start focus on what matter, and that is what you want and how you want to live your life.
